Let’s get this straight: I hit play on The White Lotus anticipating rich folks drama, holiday envy, and a couple of murders. What did I get? An exploration of poisonous friendships, zodiac mayhem, and a red nail polish that spoke louder than most guys I’ve ever dated.
If you’ve ever felt judged in a group chat, blamed Mercury retrograde for your life, or debated between cherry red or blood red nails—congrats, this post is for you.
The White Lotus Girl Trios: When Besties Turn Frenemies
Season 3 gave us Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie—three lifelong friends on a healing girls’ trip to Thailand.
Spoiler alert: Nobody healed, but everyone got dragged (emotionally, not by a tuk-tuk).
These women smile through gritted teeth, dish compliments with a side of condescension, and roast each other harder than your group chat after two glasses of Prosecco.
The dynamic is painfully relatable. You’re out with your “girls,” but someone suddenly becomes the designated scapegoat for all passive-aggressive jabs. In this case? Laurie. Poor, sweet, trauma-dumping Laurie.
The White Lotus doesn’t only reveal these vibes—it slathers them in SPF 100 and tosses them into the infinity pool.
Click to Read Health & Wellness Tips: New Hacks with a Pinch of Grandma’s Advice
Zodiac Signs? In This Economy? Yes, and They’re Messy.
Let’s be real, you’ve likely zodiac-stalked someone on Hinge or attributed your attitude to your moon sign (guilty). So naturally, I had to assign signs to these messy, lovable, chaotic characters of The White Lotus.
🔥 Aries: Olivia Mossbacher
Hot takes, hotter eyebrows, no filter. Olivia might dispute a coconut if it did not agree with her.
💅 Taurus: Tanya McQuoid
Requires luxury, dedication, and a great exit scene—best all together.
😇 Gemini: Daphne Sullivan
Is your BFF or secret enemy? Yes, she’s both.
All the characters have major sign energy, and now I’m afraid of every human whose birth chart is someone on this show.
Parker Posey’s Red Nails Deserve an Emmy (and Their Own TikTok Trend)
And then there’s the most iconic supporting character of Season 3: Victoria’s orangey-red nails. Daring? Yes. Frightening? Also yes. A cry for help in the form of manicures? Honestly, maybe.
They’re not nails. They’re a statement. A “don’t mess with me unless you want to sort through three decades worth of unsolved problems” kind of vibe.
In a world of neutral-glazed nails and barely-there nudes, Posey said, “Let’s cause a scene.”
And I’ve been thinking about that manicure ever since.
Final Thoughts: The White Lotus Is Not Just a Show—It’s a Personality Test
By the end of every season, you won’t just be having a guess at who dies. You’ll be having second thoughts about which of your friends secretly despises you, what your nail polish reveals about your mind, and whether your zodiac sign should carry a warning label.
Yes, then, The White Lotus is messy, elitist, and occasionally painful to watch—but only because it’s too real.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to re-evaluate my entire friend group, book a solo trip, and get red nails just to stir the pot ????